James Ocholi's Wife Interview On Motherhood And Dying On Mothers Day

Mrs Blessing Fatima Ocholi, is the wife of the Minister of State Labour and Em­ployment, Barr. James Ocholi (SAN). She is from Ejinya, Okenyi District in Ankpa Local Government of Kogi state before the love of her life cata­pulted her to Udanebiomi village in Abocho. She narrates the amazing experiences associated with moth­erhood.
She says motherhood is an amaz­ing and awesome experience though quite demanding. According to her, she had prepared and started plan­ning ahead of time on what her marriage should be like by learning to keep to the positive values she learnt during her early life.

“I have lived in several families, especially with my uncles and I was a very observant child. I always knew what I wanted. I learnt a lot of things concerning marriage and I kept the record in my mind and decided I will emulate the values that are right. I had respect for mar­riage. I came to the conclusion that it’s a good thing. I had a good rela­tionship with my uncle’s wife while I was staying with them. I accorded them the respect they deserve. I didn’t misbehave then, because they had the right to deal with me before my uncle comes back. I respect rela­tionship and I know relationship is something you have to build. I was guarded by the notion that it’s good to live in a peaceful atmosphere. I actually started planning my mar­riage ahead of time,” she said.

Speaking on what had been her guiding principles in marriage she says it is the ability to accommodate, tolerate, and understand each other. “The secret is that I had planned my marriage pictorially ahead. I under­stood the fact that in marriage two people come to live together from different backgrounds. I understood that, and made allowances for mis­takes and that was what guarded me principally, every day I tailor my actions towards the best, to set my home in order”, she said.

She explained that her experience as a stand-in mother while living with her uncles and taking care of their children, made her experience what motherhood was all about be­fore she became a mother.

“I turned ten in one of my uncle’s house. Sometimes I will back chil­dren whose heads are taller than mine, but it created a very strong bond that made them not to miss their mothers when they go out. But for me, I had to sneak out. I had been a mother before I got the practical experiences of motherhood. When I started having my own children, there was no much difference,” Mrs Ocholi added.

Comparing the challenges of motherhood back in the years to that experienced in modern times our “Super Mum” said their parents en­trenched discipline in them unlike what is being experienced these days due to the advent of computer and modern technology.

“Motherhood in the twentieth cen­tury is a very tasking thing for par­ents and that is because suddenly we are in the jet age and computer age. Many parents don’t even know what it is all about, while trying to get acquainted to it something more advanced hits us. General education cannot prepare anyone for parent­hood and parents have to deliber­ately find out what makes the dif­ference. Children no longer listen to their parents; they call us old school, you cannot go to the market and pick a dress for your daughter, she won’t wear it, because she feels its old fash­ion.

“I give them money but I make my own attributes because of value. I don’t allow my daughters wear re­vealing or short clothing. I give them a family value to look up to; we fight and make up. For me, I can easily get along with the younger people, they easily open up to me and share their odds against their parents by reason of being a counsellor to them. I know that many parents are at a loss on what to do with their children. In our time once you are told something is not good you won’t want to touch it, but nowadays they want to test it to know the effect for sure.

“Parenting in this generation is quite demanding and taskingThe values are being devalued all the time due to the fact that computer has made them have access to Intimate information on their palm. They are exposed to internet facilities and they install a lot of things and it’s not easy to monitor them unlike our own time. There are lots of in­fluences that you are totally not in charge of”.

She says children nowadays are exposed to celebrity channels that affect them negatively, and divorce is on the rampant. Everybody is do­ing the blame game, nobody is ready to be patient in marriage and toler­ate the other person’s weaknesses and admit to their own weaknesses. For every adult there are childish tendencies, you can sort issues in a loving way. Marriage is a divine thing a lot of us do religion and don’t belief in the values associated with it. Nigerian’s are so religious yet they don’t imbibe the values. People no longer have respect for marriage nobody is ready to work it out. They feel they can have all the things marriage offers without be­ing married.

“I like to watch what my children are watching including cartoons and most times I take them out and engage them in talks. You must learn to give marriage your high­est commitment and it will work. I came from a polygamous home my mother couldn’t stay, but my father was there for me and we were so bonded. No matter the challenges I have vowed to stay in my mar­riage for the sake of my children. I will stay in my marriage and what I don’t like I won’t do it to somebody else.

“If I am going to be there for my children and make my mar­riage work then I must find a way of pleasing my man. Pleasing your husband is all about knowing his likes and dislikes and letting him know what you like in a nice way, it’s not enslaving its love. Love is give and take; you give much more than what you would have given an enemy. If you truly love, you would be willing to sacrifice anything”.

Motherhood is a great honor and privilege. Every day women are called upon to selflessly meet the needs of their families. Sometimes they are awake at night nursing a baby, or preparing meals, mums continuously put their children be­fore themselves. Motherhood can be said to be the most tedious yet rewarding job in the universe, thus very important to celebrate moth­ers.