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Love is in the air and your paycheck is about to finance an evening of disappointment. Why, it must be Valentine’s Day! Yes, quite so old chap. Nothing like a box of chocolates full of rat fecesto get you in the mood. Just in case you’ve secretly been loathing the whole enterprise, don’t worry, we’ve got your back. Just show this to your significant other, and when they stop crying, maybe you won’t have to buy them anything. Just kidding, you’re totally f@#$ed there. Evil I tell you! Evil!!! 1. Lupercalia What would a holiday about love and relationships be without shadowy origins involving beating women into submission? Yes, those ancient Romans certainly had a way with sex and violence. Basically Lupercaliawas a big naked pastoral festival that lasted from Feb 13-15, where everyone got trashed and banged. The main event included lining up all the single ladies at the party, where they would wait in line for the men to whip the s@#t out of them. This was done in the belief that it w

Manchester United will go top of the Barclays Under-21 Premier League table with a win or draw in Thursday night's derby against Manchester City at Leigh Sports Village. Kick-off is at 20:00 GMT. MUTVwill, of course, be screening the match live, while entry for all spectators is free, as the Reds look to follow up Monday's remarkable 7-0 thumping of Norwich City at Old Trafford with another three points to aid the defence of the title. Warren Joyce is set to welcome several regulars back into his side after first-teamers such as Phil Jones and Memphis Depay started against the Canaries. Adnan Januzaj and Guillermo Varela were both withdrawn due to injury during the first half and will be checked out, although they could also be in contention for the senior squad's trip to Sunderland on Saturday. "I don’t really know about the injuries," Joyce told MUTV on Monday night. "We’ll have to assess them. Varela’s was just a kick on the ankle so it shouldn’t be too b

Despite a dazzling run for the Citizens in January, the Nigerian narrowly missed out of the Etihad’s monthly crown to his Argentine colleague Manchester City’s Sergio Aguero has been named Etihad player of the month for January. The Argentine polled 50% of the vote to beat Nigeria’s Kelechi Iheanacho and Bacary Sagna to the second and third place respectively. In the month under review, Aguero bagged seven goals in all competitions as well as creating another for David Silva. Iheanacho on his own part provided four goals and three assist in January. His treble against Aston Villa stood out in that month but he was unable to outshine the Argentine forward. The Super Eagles whiz is expected to feature for Manuel Pellegrini’s men when they host Tottenham Hotspur in Sunday’s English Premier League encounter. City are fourth on the English topflight log with 48 points after 25 matches.

Keane upstages Memphis with staggering FIVE-GOAL haul. Manchester United's Under-21s side ran out 7-0 winners over Norwich City on Monday, with the England youth international in rampant form against the shell-shocked Canaries Will Keanescored a staggering five goals as Manchester UnitedUnder-21s thumped Norwich City 7-0 on Monday evening. The England youth international was joined on the pitch by such senior stars as Memphis Depay and Adnan Januzaj but upstaged his more acclaimed team-mates with his rampant showing. Keane netted twice in the first-half, the second of which came from a Memphis assist, before completing his second hat-trick of the season in the 47th minute. Andreas Pereira then bagged United's fourth from the penalty spot before Keane scored the goal of the game with a delightful chip just after the hour mark. Timothy Fosu-Mensah added a sixth with 20 minutes to go, and Keane then rounded off the rout just a few moments later.

Human rights lawyer, Mr. Femi Falana, on Saturday asked the Senate President, Bukola Saraki, to resign his position in order to preserve the integrity of the National Assembly. The Senior Advocate of Nigeria, in an interview with our correspondent, said the unanimous decision of the Supreme Court would add value to the battle against corruption. Citing an instance involving a former Senate President, the late Chuba Okadigbo, Falana asked Saraki to resign having undertaken to prove his innocence before the CCT. He said, “Having undertaken to prove his innocence at the Code of Conduct Trubunal Senator Saraki should resign as senate president so as to preserve the integrity of the National Assembly. “When Senators Chuba Okadigbo and Adolphus Wabara were indicted they were made to step down as senate presidents.” This comes amid indications that senators opposed to the Senate President under the aegis of the Senate Unity Forum, had regrouped to force Saraki out of the seat. The Supreme Co

Obasanjo prostrates before Ooni 37363 Former President Olusegun Obasanjo on Friday visited the Ooni of Ife, Oba Adeyeye Ogunwusi, at his palace to pay homage to the foremost traditional ruler in Yorubaland. Obasanjo, who was accompanied to the palace by Otunba Oyewole Fasawe, Dr. Femi Okunnu and others, prostrated flat before the Ooni on his arrival at the palace. Obasanjo, who lauded the moves being made by the Ooni to unite all Yoruba Obas and people, urged other monarchs to support Ogunwusi to ensure that all of them were united. The former President stated that the unity move by the Ooni was important for the progress of Yorubaland. He urged Oba Ogunwusi not to relent in his move to ensure unity, stressing that Ife remained the source of the Yoruba race. He said, “I commend the role of Ooni in ensuring peace in Yorubaland. Continue what you are doing, especially your unity course. I am happy with the moves so far. It is only a sign of honour for the Ooni to visit

The anti-Saraki senators, under the aegis of the Senate Unity Forum, on Friday asked Dr. Bukola Saraki to step aside as Senate President. The group, following Friday’s Supreme Court judgement on the trial of the Senate President at the Code of Conduct Tribunal, said that Saraki must resign as the leader of the upper chamber. The SUF, which supported Senator Ahmed Lawan, during the Senate presidential election in June last year, said a person answering criminal charges could not lead the Senate. The anti-Saraki senators demanded the immediate resignation of Senate President so that he could concentrate on his trial at the CCT. The Supreme Court had on Friday dismissed the appeal by the Senate President, challenging the propriety of his trial on charges of false assets declaration preferred against him at the CCT. A seven-man panel of the apex court presided over by the Chief Justice of Nigeria, Justice Mahmud Mohammed, had unanimously ruled that Saraki’s appeal against th